One of St Mungo's More Intriguing Cases
by starlit seductress
Summary: Harry experiences a mishap in transportation. Rated for suggestive language and themes.


Disclaimer: All characters belong to the extraordinary J.K. Rowling.

"So, Mr. Potter, I understand you experienced a Splinching problem while Apparating from Diagon Alley to your office at the Ministry, is that correct?", inquired Marie, a young Healer at St. Mungo's.

"Yes", Harry mumbled, glancing up at her uneasily, then returning his gaze to the floor.

"What part or parts got Splinched?", Marie continued, looking him up and down. Everything that she could see appeared to be intact - nose and ears, arms and legs…none of the most commonly Splinched parts were missing.

Harry winced. "Well, that's the thing, see, um…" He began to blush. "It's kind of, um…", he trailed off again, clearly disinclined to finish, or, really, even properly start an explanation. Marie frowned in confusion.

"Was it, er, your toes?", she guessed, glancing down at his sneakers.

"No", Harry said dully.

"Your…teeth?" she tried.

"No", Harry refuted again.

"Hmmm..", Marie racked her brain. "Some kind of internal organ?" That kind of Splinching was extremely rare, but cases had been reported. But Harry mutely shook his head, which by now resembled an overripe tomato with hair. Marie heaved a frustrated sigh and eyed him dubiously. _This _blushing, stammering, inarticulate young man was the savior of their world, the valiant hero who had defeated the Dark Lord? Just then, a tall, slim young man with exquisitely blonde hair strode into the room.

"Can you fix it?", he snarled at the Healer. "Fix it right this instant!"

Intimidated, Marie glanced uncertainly between the glowering blonde and her uncommunicative patient.

"W-well, actually", she stammered, instinctively edging away from the sharp fury flashing in the man's eyes. "Mr. Potter hasn't yet told me _exactly_ what's wrong…"

Draco's already formidable scowl deepened. "Oh, sod it all - my idiot boyfriend's gone and Splinched his dick off!"

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Meanwhile, in Diagon Alley, an elderly witch turned a corner, heading home after her weekly visit to Flourish and Blott's, and spotted something peculiar hovering in midair. "Now, what in tarnation could that be…", she muttered to herself. She peered at it speculatively, began to approach it with wary curiosity…then let out a ear-splitting shriek and toppled over in a faint. A few minutes later, another customer of Flourish and Blott's exited the bookshop and turned the corner, already deeply engrossed in his new purchase and not really watching where he was going. He stumbled over the prone form of the unconscious witch and landed on her in a tangled heap. Disoriented, he glanced up - and he, too, screamed as he saw what was hovering just above him. Officials from the Ministry were quickly summoned; they contacted St. Mungo's, correctly guessing what must have happened, and the disembodied appendage was retrieved and, thanks to the careful efforts of several Healers, successfully reattached to its mortified owner.

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Some hours later, Harry collapsed onto the couch in his flat. Draco flopped down next to him. "You know", he said conversationally, "I guess this gives a new meaning to the expression 'can't keep it in his pants'!" He burst into raucous laughter at his own joke. Now that the damage was safely repaired, Draco found the whole thing uproariously funny. Harry, however, did not. "Oh, shut up", he growled, grabbing the nearest object in reach - his wand - and tossing it at Draco's head. Draco ducked, retrieved it from the floor, and placed it on a table next to the couch. "Be careful there, Harry", he smirked. "I think you've lost enough _wands_ for today!" This time, Harry lurched forward and tackled the blonde, pinning him to the couch.

"All right, that's enough!", he shouted.

The fact that Harry was now straddling him did not escape Draco's notice.

"You know, Harry", he purred seductively, gliding his fingers slowly up and down his boyfriend's spine, "I really am _extraordinarily _glad they were able to reattach your prick."

The owner of said newly restored appendage snorted incredulously. "_You're_ glad? How do you think _I _feel?"

"Mmmm", Draco acknowledged. "Do you know how I'm _going _to make you feel?"

Harry forgot his annoyance and his breath hitched in anticipation as Draco's hand slowly ventured inside his pants.

"I'm going to demonstrate to you just _how _glad I am that you're all in one piece again…"

And for the next several hours, he did just that.

I hope you liked it, but reviews are greatly appreciated in any case!


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